All my life I’ve always felt this deep looming hole, disrupting everything; my emotions get messed up but I can’t show it. The worst part is, I know how to fix it but-
” My colleagues are so annoying. Do you know that one of them keeps backstabbing everyone else?”
” Yes mum, you said that a million times already”
I snapped out of my daydream as I replied the routined conversation. Gulping down my last drop of coffee, I checked my watch. Five more minutes till I have to leave for uni.
Mum adjusted a strand of my hazelnut-dyed hair that was out of place. She had that warm look in her eyes, something that she wouldn’t show in words. We weren’t very good with words. With each other. Its strange how we could show affection better to our friends than family.
” Anyway, I have this big assignment in uni. Well, it’s a rather rare opportunity actually, something bout organizing a business sales thing. Celebrities are expected to come and all..” I trail off as my compact mirror flicked open.
I stared at my reflection and smiled. There, satisfaction! I won’t look unattractive compared to my other universitymates- especially those from the mass communication program. *O-M-G* (imitates them) Like how on earth do they have endless supply of clothes and accesories? So, following my routine of the day, I began to tick this mental checklist in my head.
1. Complexion made smooth from foundation and powder= check.
2. Blusher looking natural and making face look sharper= check.
3. Lipstick giving plump illusion to my pouty lips= check.
4. Turqoise-grey eyes striking out against carefully drawn eyeliner and jet-black mascara = check.
” Alright I’m going now. Bye mum” I said casually and walked out of the house with my heels clicking against the teracotta tiles.
I love the way I feel in this outfit- confident. The boss. Head-turning. My professional combination of clothes never failed since I started this course. Degree in business- you have to look professional and presentable. Since then, I’ve loaded my wardrobe with high waist pencil skirts, satin cream-coloured blouses and anything to give the image of someone who means business. You get the idea.
” Drive safely! Remember the 12 second rule in driving,” mum’s voice echoes from the empty house.
Not bothering to reply, I switched on the engine and reverse out the gate. Smiling lightly to myself, I remember the hopelessness I felt after failing my driving test 4 times in a row. Guess who’s the driver who never got into any accident now?
- I didn’t do a thing. I couldn’t. And I hate myself for it.
”Stop this emo day dreaming. Owh goodness, today’s a brand new day- a fresh start. And I’m going to be happy, so just.. smile!” I talked to myself and let out a HUGE fake smile, as if my cheeks were going to cram.
Stopping at a traffic light, I strained my neck to the dashboard mirror, to look at my face again. I dunno, I just have this sort of *disorder*- the *you’re soo vain* thing? Must be due to my combination of Brazilian,Japanese and chinese blood. Especially Brazillian and Japanese- they really care about how they look. But the sad reality is- I look almost pure asian, except for my eye colour.
” EY MOVE IT!GEEZ LADY DRIVERS” a rude man shouted as he slammed down on his hon.
I gave him a glare at the mention of the phrase ” Lady drivers”. Typical men! Do you know that more men are invoved in road accidents? Lady drivers my foot! To repay his crude remark, I took my time to change my gear and drove very very slowly until the traffic light turned red right after I drove over the white line.
Parking my car at my favourite spot, I stepped out and grabbed my things. It’s going to be a great day, I’m sure of it. Just another day of memorizing definitions of economical terms, brain wrecking for business ideas.. sure I can cope with it.
” Hey, Stella! Can you help me carry my model?” a familiar voice rang.
“Sure, no problem,” I smiled at Sam. ” Your model sure is.. beautiful.”My fingers lightly traced its perfectly trimmed edges of every single piece, glowing white pieces of just ordinary mounting board that fashioned together into a huge masterpiece. An idea born into life.
” Sorry bout making you carry it.. I just wish I have 3 hands sometimes,” Sam grins while having both of his hands loaded with all his fancy architect tools in a blink of the eye.
” I can tell where you get your muscular arms from?”
” Well.. positioning rulers and blades does strain the arms. Oh and of course some weights too!” He says while flexing his arms.
Sam is like a good friend. Someone I’m comfortable with. People might think we like each other but… I’m just not so into relationships now. Especially since the last one trashed my whole life upside down.
The breeze blew hard as we were about to cross the road. My hazelnut hair flew across my face, covering my view. I am going to be very careful with Sam’s masterpiece! Must hold it carefully as I step unto the road..
There was the sudden screeching of tyres. Sam’s voice screaming my name. A sudden-piercing pain. The beautiful masterpiece flew out of my hands as I tried to catch it again but somehow my hands couldn’t stretch out further. Before I knew it, I was being thrust into the air- flying. My feet was off the ground and the whole world came flashing before my very eyes; the clear blue sky, the vehicles, the road, the horror on some faces and a blurry scene.
My body felt so weak and tired as I lay on the hard tar road. Voices rung but I could not identify what they were saying.. it all seemed like so surreal.The scene around me continued to dim and then… nothing.
