Sunrise and Sunsets

evrione wans a place wer dey can truly belong dunt dey?ive always been searching for a group of true frens which will be wif me tru up n downs, whom i can share honest laughter n tears with, who wil nvr be distant frm  me n who wuld reali appreciate me.

to find frens like dat is hard isnt it?wen i look at groups of close friends who always stick together tru ups n downs i guess i envy em.i dare not intrude into deir circle n i noe dat ill always feel not part of em wen i hang out wif em or sumtin.

dat bond dat ive been searching for but nvr found, dat strong, precious bond of pure friendship dat is everlasting to the point dat id probli be sipping tea wif dat childhood friend, chatting comfortably n laughing genuinely wen we’re 90 or sumtin.. now i reali dunno whether i can find it. sure i noe lotsa people n chat wif em but it seems like we nvr reali reveal dat deep side of ourselves, helping each other tru our sadness n joy.n wen i did share dat kinda deep friendship, it fades away so fast..

i had a group of close* friends… dunno whether u can reali call em dat though. started out together in form 1 but i always felt that im not dat welcomed…like left out yanoe. i mean like deyd nvr wait for me during recess..dey’re always walking off together leavin me behind. dey’ve never reali shown dat dey appreciate me n deyve nvr been der tru my ups or downs.n i had a best friend who was reali reali close to me, who knew wat i went tru but she drifts away on n off lik d wind. not a stable friendship n again i feel dat i wasnt appreciated. it took me a long wile to let go of em n wen i finally did, i realised dat it was me who wus clinging on to em all this while n deyve never clung on to me in d friendship.

wen i express this prob to sum friends dey say dat i cn always talk to em if im feeling down or sumtin. i did open up to sum but in d end our friendship faded n we grow further apart. its lik i take dat effort to open up n be sincere n all but in d end dey nvr reali stuck by me s a friend.so since bad experiences ive already built a shield to protect myself frm others- not revealing my deep side easily so dat wen dey grow further apart frm me i wont be hurt.maybe its just sumtin wrong wif my attitude dat i always receive dat kind of treatment. if der is id luv to noe wats wrong wif me n change for d better.

im on dis long,never-ending journey to find true friends whom can really stay by me- not neccesarily physicaly but more of communications like keeping in touch constantly n being der for u tru high n lows.i dunno if i can ever finally find n settle down in a genuine close friendship dat lasts forever n ever….maybe its just a fantasy after all.but dat will always remain my dream-to get rid of this loneliness.

Yesterday was my first time performing solo…during pn Wu’s retirement i sang almost lover n played keyboard n joel played guitar. It was so depressing cus it sucked!!!Oh………….. HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!The sound system was bad n no one really payed attention to the performance…i tink my voice SUX TO THE MAX too. Man i took it sooo hard on myself n felt like shrinking in a hole n nvr performing singing again EVA in my life.I was like so sad although a few frens of mine tried to cheer me up.. thx guys. I stood at the side of the hall after d performance to watch d rest of the event. I just stood der under d sun n burned…had no mood to get into the shade blueh.

Kwan Zee den came n asked me to stand in d shade but i wus like no thx…. still pulling the depressed non smiling face. He was like cmon stand inside or ull get burned..but i was still reluctant so he stood out in d sun wif me n den wen i was just about to turn to him to say u dunt hav to stand out ere wif me he stood behind me to block the sun. Dat certainly worked to make me immediately step in the shade cus i dun wan other peeps to suffer for me =\.He then asked me for a favour n asked whether i wuld be free later on lik during recess.. n i said okay…? He asked me if i could perform one more time so that he can hear the song properly n dat he’ll adjust the sound system dis time himself. I was lik wow how sweet >.< n den he told me don’t cry cus of d performance just now okay i dun lik it wen girls cry… after u go home n cry wei. Of course i wouldnt cry over a small ting..id just get depressed for months i told him lol.

Then during recess joel was threatened by him to come down to perform wif me once again or else he wont book the tennis court this fri lol. den we went down to the hall n it was being emptied. just a few people chilling wif d guitar n 2 tchers which just finished performing. shu was der too so i performed one more time. Szto was lik yay beri sokongan n aaron was der too lol. so i sang again but horribly =p n den dey quickly packed up b4 the authorities screw us XD.

And today i struggled to get to school to make it for the supposedly taekwando meeting n also to take d pendrive frm feli. Well i had to sneak around n hope i didnt get caught as i didnt go to school n i entered in jeans n flip flops. They cancelled d stupid meeting!!!nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! nvr tell me summore sobs. i managed to get the thumbdrive after forcing aaron in school uniform to find for feli lol thx aaron!=p my for real dead serious dramatically changed face works all d time XD.I den went to wait for rapid KL rite outside school while majority of the school were stuck in d hall listening to speeches on tree planting day bluek.

I sat at the steps rite beside the highway reading national geographic nex to sum bangladeshi road sweeper. Suddenli the bus zoomed by n i immediately jolted up to find the bus zoom pass by. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my facial expression screamed.i put my hands on my head s d road sweepers probli stared in amusement. i was so pissed at how i could miss the stupid bus.. i den went back n seeing d road sweepers smile at me i pulled a GRUMPY STAY AWAY FORM ME face just in case.i then saw hanif drive pass by for d 2nd time n waved at him n den kai yee walked by, offered me a fry (hey it rhymes!) n bid her farewel. Next i saw a taxi stop by. there was sumone familiar in d passenger seat but i tought to myself nah…culdnt be. the taxi man den stared at me tinking i need a ride but i immediately looked away to say no. den d *familiar* person stepped down after paying. first i saw a sports bag n den a shoe. den the person stood up… guess who wus it? jang jang jang…..(dramatic pause). It’s kwan zee again!!!!!!!!!!! hahaa 2 days in a row =S. I shouted his name n waved n he saw me n started walking towards my direction. surprisingly this was his first time pontengin =X. Congrats mah fwen~. he just came back frm tennis n is gna go for the prefects senior page photoshoot. i told him how i missed d stupid rapid kl n dat i was lik arggh!!!!den suddenli Metrobus no 10 (my bus) passed by. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Why m i soo jinxed?!?!?he den ajaked me to walked to anothr bus stop nearby so that d bus can stop wen dey actuali see me.. unfortunateli der was d stupid BN flags blocking my face haha. Through our conversations i realised dat he’s reali a simple guy dat jus likes to c people happy.not many people are like dat nowadays…dey’re all soo complicated n stuff. den another bus passed by but it was no. 13 so not mine. den another bus..this time a school bus stopped after kwan zee waved it down. he asked d uncle if he could drop me home but d school bus was goin to court 4.. not dat near my house so we bid d nice driver goodbye. after bout 50 min frm the first bus i missed i wanted to go wait at ss14.. a proper bus stop but HALLELUJAH metrobus no 10 came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i quickly waved at it n so did he n it actuali stopped- IT ACTUALLY STOPPED!

I got on d bus n bid dear ol kwan zee buhbye n felt relieved to be on my way home. den it hit me in d head- RAPID KL BUS DOESNT EVEN COME 2WICE IN 50 MIN?ARGGGGGGGGH I ANTI RAPID KL WEI!METRO BUS OSO BETTER WEI!So after 5 busses passing by n i got on d 6th one i smiled at how nice it is to have a reali sweet fren accompany me all d way.

Oh by the way i totally baked sumting today!yeaman… d recipe was way simple so i followed n it JADI…TADAAA!Yorkshire pudding yay!but it tasted soso onli… but who cares?i managed to actuali make sumtin edible =p. signing off now….enjoy ur hols peeps~

sumtimes evritin can be summed up to one word=  urgh. wen ur pushing urself you’d wna take  break but wen ur taking a break u’d wna push urself blah.

tmrw we’re gna shift to pantai fbc…i dunno wat wuld happen but for now im onli imagining wat wuld change… n kinda feeling sad

but at d same time im looking forward to noe-ing dem more n i reali hope we’d gel right in

well gotta go sleep soon..=\ nite nite